In one of my final assignments in middle school, I wrote that “armed with determination, optimism, and focus, I’m prepared to take on anything. As a high schooler, I’ll push myself as much as it takes to reach my goals. I believe that if we work hard enough, we can accomplish anything.” I’ve clung stubbornly to this attitude all throughout high school, reminding myself constantly that hard work will pay off: you get out what you put in. Recently, however, my mindset has wavered.
One of the most significant and stressful aspects of junior year has been the introduction to the college application process. While I have held brief conversations about it with my parents in the past, I didn’t realize how much of my life it would consume. Now, the stakes feel a lot higher. School is no longer just about learning; it’s about performing. Competitions of all sorts are no longer just exciting arenas to put my hard work to test. They’re crucial opportunities to add an extra line to my resume.
The college application process also manifests itself in social interactions. When I’m talking with peers, a conversation about an ordinary topic can quickly develop the undercurrent of a conversation about college. A peer and I might be bonding over our stress regarding an upcoming test, but it quickly becomes clear to both of us that neither is worried about the particular test itself; we’re both worried that continued poor grades will, at the end of all this, prevent us from being accepted to our dream colleges. Of course, neither of us actually brings this up in the conversation. In other cases, it seems like people are just trying to glean information from others -- who’s interested in what college? who just toured where? -- rather than taking that time to forge meaningful, genuine, interesting conversations. I despise it. But, you’ve heard it a million times and I’ll say it again: it’s not anyone’s fault -- it’s just the System.
A week or so ago, I received some tests where I’d performed particularly poorly. On top of school, I was overwhelmed by the high demands of several extracurriculars, and for the first time this year, I went straight home and cried on my bed. I was disappointed with the grades, but even more so, I was frustrated with myself for being disappointed; I was frustrated with myself for not being able to break free from the System. Every day after school, I would vent to my mom about how much the System sucks; about how my friend had been upset earlier that day with a test grade and how I felt bad because her grade, in reality, was not bad at all; about how it was so unhealthy that students felt the need to obsess over fractional fluctuations in their GPA, just for the sake of pleasing colleges, these seemingly great entities. Yet here I was, doing the same exact thing. I felt powerless against the social construct of the college admissions craze, and it was this, ultimately, that was so upsetting. I resent the feeling of powerlessness. In the broader scope of things, this resentment transcends just college admissions. If I’m powerless against the stress of the college admissions process as a high schooler, how am I supposed to grow up and be powerful in making a positive impact on the world? I want to be an active, purposeful citizen, yet in low moments, my confidence falters. Just as I feel powerless against the stress of college admissions, I feel powerless -- insufficient -- against the daunting global issues that face our generation.
Fortunately, I have slowly begun to understand that this overwhelming feeling of obligation to our world is not unique to me. Meaningful conversations with peers right here in Ardsley, as well as equally stimulating conversations with diverse peers at summer programs and Model UN conferences, have been particularly essential to this realization. While the issues that exist today may be too large for me to solve on my own, they can be much better tackled through teamwork.
Of course, this still leaves a glaring issue: what can we do to better our current situations, to alleviate our current stress caused by the System?
To be honest, I’m not sure. It is so hard to break free from the demands of society. I, for one, have not yet been successful in doing so. Maybe all we can do is ride it out, bearing in mind that in the end we are team members, not competitors, in a world that demands collaboration.
I do hope, though, that we will at least attempt to set aside the stress of college admissions when we can; we should do our best to enjoy the present for what it is and to seek exciting, collaborative moments that transcend college admissions. For one, I crave challenging, intellectual experiences on a daily basis, and I know that beneath the thickness of their stress, my peers do, too. Perhaps we can relish class discussions as valuable opportunities to learn, discuss clashing ideas, and collaborate towards resolutions. We can realize that the chance to grapple with complex issues alongside our peers is a gift, and the most valuable reward of our education -- not acceptance to college.
So, fellow Panthers, here’s the tea: I feel tired, defeated, and, at times, discouraged, but I am not ready to let my eighth-grade self down. Neither are you. By acknowledging our current situations but not succumbing to what society wants from us, let us realize that getting accepted to college is not our life’s purpose. By engaging with one another in genuine pursuit of exciting intellectual rigor, let us gain an elevated sense of direction. By embracing the fact that significant change involves the combined hard work of many individuals, let us fight our feeling of powerlessness. Only then might our generation’s true purpose, to join forces in combating the world’s issues, feel just a little less daunting.