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WHEN GRIEF COMES TO ARDSLEY by Gillian Gold

The difficulty with writing about the tragedy on January 30th is that grief is so personal. And so painful. There are no words to express all of the emotions felt in the wake of devastating loss. Especially in our small, tight-knit community, every untimely death resonates with each of us.

In the days following the accident, Superintendent Dr. Ryan Schoenfeld emphasized how "the Ardsley community is heartbroken with the tragic news." Dr. Schoenfeld has continued to prioritize helping those dealing with grief. “We are supporting our students, staff, and families, as we navigate through this horrific event. Our crisis team organized immediately, were poised, and delivered necessary leadership and support during this most difficult time."


In the beginning of February, Lisa Zeitz, a clinical social worker with a speciality in bereavement, came to Ardsley High School to speak with both faculty and parents. I reached out to Zeitz to get a sense of her work within Ardsley. She describes herself as a “helper to the helpers.” Because Ardsley is a deeply interconnected and close community, Zeitz recognized that faculty members are grievers, too. She spent time speaking to faculty and parents to ensure they would have the opportunity to be together and be prepared to help grieving students.


Reflecting on senior parents who wondered if this is what senior year will be all about, Zeitz responded with “the answer is a resounding no. We can move forward with feeling joy while remembering the people who have passed away.” Ultimately, Zeitz emphasized the importance of thoughtfulness in a time like this. “Maybe there can be additional kindness as a result of this type of circumstance” as we consider each other’s vulnerabilities and fears.


There are many reactions to death and many ways to mourn. For each person, grief manifests differently. Oftentimes, people are stuck in a complex web of emotions and reactions after experiencing loss. The thing is, nobody knows everybody's full story. We may not know why someone is feeling the way they do after a tragedy -- which makes it even more important to be sensitive and thoughtful. We may not even know why we, ourselves, feel the way we do.

Some people may feel numb and not seem visibly emotional, but still feel the sorrow inside. Some people find comfort in the routine of doing school work or keeping up with their responsibilities, while others may feel overwhelmed by their usual tasks. Some people find solace in sharing pictures and stories, others reflect more privately. There is no right or wrong way to grieve, but we should not judge others for the ways in which they show, or don’t show, their emotions.


Following the accident, Ardsley students, faculty, and community members have come together, both caring for and relying on one another, in a true show of support and love. Students banded together to make Ardsley Strong t-shirts for the Varsity boys basketball game. There have been discussions about how to pay tribute at prom and graduation.

On the Tuesday after the accident, the guidance department organized a breakfast during first and second periods for the Class of 2020. As the seniors came together, there were no words to express all of the emotions. However, there was a sense of comfort in being together and in sharing each other’s grief. In the midst of the now busy season of scheduling meetings and college decisions, our dedicated guidance staff continues to keep their doors open for everyone.


Written with sincere sympathy and in loving memory of Eric Goldberg (AHS Class of 2020), Jordan Wachtell, Daniel Devoy, and Lauren Kaufman, who passed away this school year, and many others who were taken too soon and are deeply missed.

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